Emmett's Awesome Halloween Extravaganza
by Leelan Oleander
Summary: Emmett has been plotting and planning for a while on how to scare the crap out of his friends.  Join them on this particularly spooky Halloween for a little fun.  O/S Entry in "Countdown to Halloween II"  2010


**This was my entry in this year's Countdown to Halloween II.**

**I know some of you have read it and knew it was me straight off. I have assume it was because of my transparent Emmett. )**

**Happy Halloween, everyone.

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_**Emmett**_

Fuck Christmas. It's all about Halloween, bitches. Don't get me wrong, I love presents—I love giving and receiving them, but there's just something more exciting about Halloween, what with the costumes, ghost stories, haunted houses, horror movies...MMM! Oh, and let us not forget all the candy. There's nothing at all to hate about it. If I were Edward, I'd say that Halloween is _exhilarating_, because he's a word nerd like that.

It was my year to pick a Halloween activity and I had been planning for MONTHS. I even spent hours and hours at the town library and archives digging up information, not to mention talking to some of the locals to get a feel for things. I even MEMORIZED shit so I'd get it right, and that's saying a lot. Come hell or high water, this was going to be the best and scariest one in recorded history. My friends had tried to make it interesting, but no one was going to out-scare me. I'm the master.

The first year, it was Alice's turn; we had to dress up in elaborate costumes and could hardly move or mess around for fear of ruining them. What fun is there in that?

When it was Jasper's turn, we ended up doing tombstone rubbings in an old cemetery by lamplight, while dressed in period costumes. He said that we should respect the dead and their stories and that Halloween should be about remembering.

What the hell, dude?

I figured that for Rosie's year she'd let me help her, but no, she wanted to do things her way. We ended up getting tanked and went to some frat party where we ended up almost getting into fights with the masked douchenozzles who tried to grope our girls.

Edward took us to a morgue his year, which seemed logical since he was in med school and entirely too good to be true, which it was. We ended up playing corpses and lying in body bags on the slabs for a Mothers Against Drunk Driving presentation on the dangers of drinking and driving. The coolest part of that was getting the realistic make-up done and then scaring the shit out of the morgue workers later.

Bella's year wasn't all bad—we were allowed to spend the night at the museum where she was interning and we scared ourselves stupid telling ghost stories.

Now THAT'S what Halloween is about.

We started switching off on years in high school. Sick of endless years of dealing with the lameness that is _Mike Newton's Halloween Havoc_, we decided to come up with something of our own. Newton's mom turned their basement into a _haunted house_ by making it dark, playing shit-tastic special effects soundtracks, and putting bowls of spaghetti noodles, raw liver, and peeled grapes around to represent body parts. Edward drew the line the year the raw liver made an appearance because it was unsanitary and was bound to make someone sick.

Although I offered to do the first one, everyone thought it would be fairer if we drew names from a hat—Alice's witch's hat to be more precise. Sadly, I picked number six, but you know, I'm glad that I did because I've had five years to make notes on what works and what doesn't, and I have more resources at my disposal now than I would have if I had been first or second.

This year was going to be EPIC. No one had a clue about my plans or how much research I had done on this. I was a stealth Halloween ninja and they were never going to know what hit them.

Prepare to be scared, bitches.

_**Bella**_

"Blindfolds, Em? Really?"

He grinned evilly. "Yup. Put 'em on or we're not going. I played along with everyone else's lame fuckery over the years so you have to humour me, okay? I promise it'll be a night you'll NEVER forget."

It was hard to be annoyed with him—he was vibrating with excitement and had been since...well, ages ago. We all knew he was up to something big, but he'd managed to hide it from us. How he managed to do that, I'll never know, because Em is really not the best secret keeper.

"Can we at least walk to the van unblindfolded? I mean, I'm the only one with you so far, we still have to pick up the others. I'm going to feel foolish wearing it, especially since I know where we're going right now. You know that if I put the damn thing on now I'll trip and break my neck before we even leave the museum's parking lot." I flashed my world-famous pout at him and he caved as I stuttered out, "P...p...puh...lease?"

Emmett threw his hands up in exasperation. "Okay, fine, but as soon as we pick up the others the blindfolds ALL go on. No questions asked, no fuss, no muss."

I hugged him. "Thanks, Emmy."

We got into the van he'd rented since none of our vehicles had enough seats for everyone. As soon as we were settled, he put on a CD of Halloween classics, making me laugh. "I can never get tired of the _Monster Mash_," he said, smiling.

I could get tired of the _Monster Mash_ quite quickly, but I wasn't going say anything to ruin his moment. Emmett lives for Halloween and I know he'd been waiting too long for this night, so I refused to be its downfall or to even put the slightest damper on it, if at all possible. I mean, the odds of me falling and breaking something were strongly against me, and a broken bone would surely be a buzz killer.

We stopped at the apartment complex where we all lived to pick up Alice and Rose. When we had all moved from Forks to the East Coast for University, we managed to find apartments in the same building. In fact, there were only two other couples who lived in the building, and we had all quickly become friends, so really, it was more like communal living than separate units.

Of course, Alice and Rose were dressed impeccably even though Em had insisted we dress down because we'd likely get dirty. I was still in my work clothes—we'd been installing a new exhibit at the gallery and I always wore jeans, t-shirts, and hoodies for that. Hanging art is dirty work. Seriously.

"Al, what did I tell you about wearing your grubbies?" Em asked as the girls hopped in the van.

"I don't really own _grubbies_, Em, and you know that. These are the oldest, nastiest clothes I own."

She wasn't lying. Her pristine _Lucky_ jeans were last season, and her _Luscious_ blouse had a tiny little flaw, which likely made this the grubbiest outfit in her closet room. Yes, I said room. Jasper had to give up his study when Al's clothes overtook not just their closets, but their bedroom. He quite often hid out with Edward and me when he needed to get any work done.

We were picking the boys up at the University. Jasper had been working on his honours thesis at the library, and Edward was doing a shift at the campus health clinic.

It was nearly ten o'clock by the time we picked up the boys. I switched spots with Rose so I could sit with Edward and help him unwind a little.

Edward smiled brightly when he saw me standing outside the van and I was greeted with a searing kiss and a contented sigh. "Oh thank baby Jebus that's over."

I took his hand and led him to the back of the van, where I passed him a sandwich and bottle of water. "Sorry about the sandwich, I had to grab one from the museum cafeteria. We ended up working late and I didn't get to go home before picking you up. I hope it's okay."

"Chicken pesto?" he asked, hopeful.

I nodded. "It was the last one. I'll have you know that I had to beat off the curator, her assistant, and a very big, burly mover."

"My hero," he mumbled as he bit into the sandwich. I smiled because I knew it was his favourite.

"Okay, everyone listen up!" Emmett bellowed from the front seat. "Tonight is my night and what I say goes. Got it? I might ask you to do some weird things, but there's a reason for everything. So, for your safety and that of your friends and/or lovers, please pay close attention to my directions. Do what I say and no one gets hurt, capiche?"

Good lord, what did he have planned? A bank heist? A mob hit? I was beginning to feel fear creeping through the other occupants of the van. Everyone looked nervously at each other and I had to suppress a shudder.

If I've learned anything about my best friend over the years it's that Halloween is serious shit and he'd had a LONG time to plan this out. It wouldn't surprise me if he had every detail planned down to the second.

"Blindfolds on. All of you. No peeking. That means you, Al."

"Hey," she cried out indignantly. "I heard that!"

"You were supposed to. I'll be watching you." He pointed his fingers at his squinting eyes, and then turned them toward her, then back. "Okay, time's-a-wasting. Let's go. Blindfolds on."

Edward and I put on our blindfolds and snuggled down on the bench seat of the van so we were lying down, facing one another; not that we could see each other, but it was nice to relax together after a long day.

"How bad was it?" I asked.

"If I see one more yeast infection or case of jock itch, I think I might lose it."

I leaned in to place a kiss on his lips but ended up sucking on his chin. We both laughed until he found my mouth and began kissing me in earnest. He sucked on my bottom lip as his hand moved to cup my breast, only it took him a minute to find it. I giggled in his mouth until his fingers found my hardened nipple, tweaking it. The moment I gasped, he plunged his tongue into my mouth, muffling my moans.

"Emmett? Can you please turn up the music?" Jasper asked.

"Sure. You must really be digging the monster remix of _Thriller_ I found."

"Uh, no. Not really. Bella and Edward are having sex in the back of the van and the wet noises are making me want to puke."

The van screeched to a halt, throwing me out of Edward's arms and wedging me between our seat and the one ahead, where Alice and Jazzy McWhinybitch were sitting.

"What the hell, Em?" I cried out.

"Keep your blindfolds on and listen up. No fucking in the van. It's a rental and if I take it back with splooge and pussy juice on the seats, they'll take my deposit. Keep all boy bits and girly gadgets tucked away in their restraints and no one will get hurt."

I heard Rose slap him. "Ew, Emmett! Stop being so vulgar!"

"I'm just sayin'. Anyway, I have spoken. You can start screwing when I'm done with you—if you survive. Muah ha ha ha ha ha!"

When Em finished with his maniacal evil laughter, he pulled back onto the road and Edward pulled me back up onto the seat with him, in our original position.

"You okay, love?" he asked. I didn't need to see his face to know that he was worried that I had been hurt when I fell.

"I think so, but there might be a bruise on my ass that you could examine later."

"Music, Emmett!" Alice screeched.

"Are they fucking again?" he shouted back.

Like the well-oiled machine that Edward and I had become over the years, we responded in unison with a resounding "NO!"

"They're being cute! Make it stop!"

"Don't make me turn this van around!" He turned up the music, allowing us the proper noise we needed to drown out the noise of our making out. If I could have, though, I WOULD have done him in the van. I was horny as hell and he was hard as a rock. We would definitely have to find somewhere to sneak off to when Em was done scaring us.

The van began to bounce as we hit a dirt road, forcing us to sit up for fear we might both be thrown to the floor.

"Where the hell are we?" Edward shouted over the original Broadway recording of _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_'s trademark song, _Time Warp_.

I'm okay admitting that I'm not a _Rocky Horror_ virgin, in fact, none of us were. We had gone to see it in theatre about a dozen times and had even gone to New York to catch it off-Broadway a few times. All right, we all have costumes too...and we may have gone up on stage to act it out a few times. Edward makes a sexy Brad, Emmett is an amazing Frankenfurter, while Jazzy plays a wicked Rocky. Rose is a magnificent Magenta, Alice is the perfect Columbia, and that left me with Janet.

Damn it.

"Hold on tight, kids, you're in for a bumpy ride," was all he said in response to Edward's question, leaving us confused and quite literally in the dark about our whereabouts.

Finally, after what felt like an hour of smacking our heads off the roof of the van, we stopped. The only noise I could hear once Emmett killed the engine was the sound of a breeze and tall grass moving.

"Don't take off your blindfolds just yet. Stay put and I'll come around and help each of you out—especially you, Bella."

"Hey now!" I don't know why I even bothered to refute him or argue. He was right.

After helping everyone out with minimal head banging and shin bruising, Em informed us that we needed to hold hands and follow him. We tripped, slipped, and laughed until he stopped us. I could smell something, but what was it? On the one hand it smelled fresh, but then it smelled of decay, but then when a particularly strong breeze blew by I smelled...

"Cow shit? Is that cow shit I smell, Emmett? Are there cows here? Do I need to hurt you, Emmett McCarty?" Rosalie screeched.

"Well, geez, woman; quit hitting me. Yes, we are NEAR cows, or at least where they graze all day, but...ahh, hell, you can take off the blindfolds."

We all removed them quickly, gasping at what we saw.

_**Jasper**_

It was a barn. He drove us out to the middle of nowhere to a barn. A very old-looking one at that.

"Um, is this place even safe?" I asked. If Edward, Mr. Practical, wasn't going to ask, then I would. "Are we going to get arrested for being out here if it doesn't collapse on us?"

Emmett slapped my back really hard. "We are perfectly safe, and no, we won't be arrested. I have permission from old Mr. MacDonald to use his barn. I've been working for him for a few months, helping him load hay, repairing his fences, and doing some other carpentry work for him. He had some sheep pens and other barns that needed fixing."

"Old MacDonald?" Bella asked, snickering.

"Yeah, he has a farm over the hill," he said, oblivious, as he pointed into the darkness to a very faint glow on the horizon.

"E-I-E-I-O," we all chorused back, laughing.

"Fuck you, guys. Come on, _Emmett's Exciting and Entertaining Halloween Extravaganza_ awaits you."

I shook my head. Emmett's enthusiasm was both endearing and terrifying. Lord knows what awaited us behind the worn old wooden doors.

"So, here's the story. This barn has been here for over a hundred years," he began, holding a flashlight under his chin, casting his face in an array of eerie shadows. "There were once many other barns in the area, but they have all blown down over the years."

He gesticulated to the darkness around us with a grand and theatrical swoop of his arm. "This flatland is a horticultural Nirvana, able to sustain an incredibly array of plant and animal life, including some rare and endangered species. Over the years it has been commonly used for cattle, corn, wheat, and sunflowers."

Edward coughed behind me, trying not to laugh at Emmett's well-researched and rehearsed speech.

"Ahem," the big guy said, "if I may continue?"

A mumbled apology came from behind me, cueing Emmett to continue. "Dozens of other barns similar to this one have succumbed to the harsh winter storms, sweltering summer heat, relentless spring rains, the decay of fall, and other unknown forces that inhabit this area. Yet this one stands. Now why is that?"

Everyone went along with his bit, murmuring to each other. Alice smiled at me in the dim light and winked as she asked, "Why do you think it's still here, Jazzy? Huh?"

I swatted her gently, then ruffled her hair. "Hmm, I have no idea, darlin'. What do you think?"

Emmett continued before she could respond. "Well, there's no concrete facts to back up the stories, but the one that rings truest and more frequently is the one I'm about to tell you. Please follow me into the barn and I will tell you the story of Elizabeth LaGrange."

Emmett opened up the massive wooden doors and a gasp went up amongst our small group. More shocking than anything was the fact that the gasp was legitimate—the barn was incredible!

Alice wrapped her arms around my waist and shivered. "Jazzy, I'm...I'm a little nervous. This barn is giving me a case of _the NO feeling_BIG TIME. Don't let me go, okay?"

"I've got you, darlin'," I said, giving her a reassuring squeeze, planting a kiss atop her head.

We stepped into the dimly lit barn and took in our surroundings. The barn looked to be in incredibly good shape, in spite of its age. There were two high lofts, one on either side of the barn; both filled with hay. The centre of the structure had been cleared out for the most part, save for a few bales placed in a circle around two more, which had been arranged to function as a table. There were lanterns placed strategically and I wondered if they were real or battery-operated camp lights.

As if he read my mind, Emmett informed us that we were safe. "They're all battery operated. Old MacDonald worried we'd set the place on fire. Pretty realistic, eh?" He picked one up and flicked it off and on a few times to demonstrate.

"Very cool," I mused as I moved toward the bales of hay set before us. There was something atop of the middle ones and when I saw what it was, I groaned. "A Ouija board, Emmett? What are we? Twelve?"

He glared at me. "We, my sceptical friend, will be attempting to contact the ghost of Elizabeth LaGrange to find out the real story as to how she died, and why this barn is still standing."

Rosalie exhaled. "Please tell me there's beer."

Emmett led her to sit on one of the bales, but she refused to sit and actually stomped her foot like a petulant child. "I'm not sitting on itchy hay!"

"I have blankets, hang on."

Before long, the bales of hay were covered with blankets and pillows, and we all had a beer in hand, except for Emmett, who needed to be sober to lead the séance and drive us home later.

"So, the story goes that Elizabeth was in love with a local farm boy. Her parents were dead set against their relationship because she came from a higher class family, while he, the lowly farm boy, was an orphan, taken in by his aunt and uncle to work on their farm. They believed that he could offer her nothing but abject poverty and a house full of screaming children. They raised her to be more than that, as she was an accomplished penis."

"Pianist," Edward corrected.

Emmet chuckled. "You said PENIS!"

"No, I said PEE-A-NIST, not PENIS, you oaf."

"Gotcha!" he said, pointed at Edward, who rolled his eyes.

Rose smacked Emmett's arm. "Enough! Get back to the story. It was getting good before you two Neanderthals started acting like grade school morons. So, this is kind of like Romeo and Juliet, right? Lovers scorned and yada yada yada?"

He nodded. "Yup. According to the myth, Elizabeth and the farm boy, whose name was Alistair, used to meet in this very barn to smooch and get it on. He would meet her here frequently, and always with a sunflower, until their secret was discovered. Poor Elizabeth was dragged away, locked up in her room, allowed out only to practice piano and eat, while Alistair was beaten within an inch of his life for sullying the virtue of a rich chick. As soon as he was able, he would still make the trek to the barn every day, sunflower in hand, hoping that she would one day return to him."

"Awww..." the girls all cooed, obviously getting caught up in the tangled and assumedly tragic love story.

"One of the servants from the LaGrange house encountered Alistair in the market one day and begged him to meet Elizabeth at the barn the following day. The servant was worried that Elizabeth was about to perish, as she had all but stopped eating, speaking, and had become depressed and despondent."

Alice leaned back into me and said _I love you_.

"I love you too, Alice."

"Ahem, love birds? Can I continue?" Emmett asked.

_**Alice**_

"Sorry, Em," I replied, blushing. I got so caught up in the story and felt so connected to Jasper in that moment that I didn't even realize I had spoken aloud.

"No problem. As I was saying, the servant promised to have our heroine Lizzie at the barn by mid-afternoon, if Alistair promised to meet them.

"Of course, Alistair agreed and spent the next few hours dreaming of his reunion with his beloved."

Edward coughed, stopping Em's storytelling again. At this rate we'd NEVER get to the end of the story. "How does anyone know what he was thinking?"

A handful of hay flew across the circle at Edward, hitting Bella in the face. "Damn it, Emmett!" she sputtered.

"I didn't mean to hit you, Bells, so blame the story-ruining cynic douche sitting behind you."

Bella slapped Edward as he tried to pick hay out of her hair. "Shh, stop interrupting the story, Mr.-detail-obsessive, continuity-police. Please continue, Em."

"As I was saying before someone so rudely interrupted me, AGAIN, Alistair was excited to see his beloved after so many months and vowed to be there early. What he didn't know was that someone else had heard their plans, someone who didn't want them to be together."

Emmett paused to take a drink. I couldn't take the suspense. "Who was it? You can't stop there!"

"Patience, my little Ali-gator, patience. Let me wet my throat—I'm parched." He winked at me, then began again. "They say it was Elizabeth's father."

I gasped. "OH NO! What happened?"

"Elizabeth's father is rumoured to have followed Alistair to the barn, only Alistair never made it there alive. Lizzie's dad killed him on the way."

My heart broke for Elizabeth. If I lost Jasper, I don't know if I could survive. He was my soul mate, my lover, my best friend, the yin to my yang, the _haute_ to my _couture_.

"Yes, the evil Mr. LaGrange dragged Alistair's lifeless body here, to the barn, leaving it as a warning to his daughter that disobeying him had its consequences."

My chest tightened up and my eyes burned with unshed tears. Jasper likely sensed my upset because he held me even closer to him. "It's just a story, darlin', it's not real."

"But it's awful. I don't know what I'd do if I was Lizzie. I don't think I could live without you."

Emmett continued. "Lizzie arrived at the arranged time, excited to see her sweet farm boy, only to find his body here, where we sit. Her cries are rumoured to have been so loud and jarring that it scared the nearby dairy cattle to the point where they only gave sour milk for weeks.

"Overcome with heartache, she found a pitchfork lying on the barn floor near the corpse of her lover, and in a fit of desperation and grief, she impaled herself on it so that she could join her soul mate in the afterlife."

"How romantic," I heard Rosie breathe.

"Not really, babe," Em replied.

I tried not to laugh as Rose shot daggers at him for challenging her.

"In theory, babe, you're right, but it's believed by some that those who take their lives don't go to heaven—they are cursed to roam the earth in eternal unhappiness."

Rosie snapped. We all knew why, and I was shocked that Emmett would have even uttered those words. "Emmett, that's AWFUL! How can you say that? That's so mean! You know Uncle Ben killed himself," she said, sniffling.

I got up and encouraged her to come sit with me. Bella ran over to offer some comfort as well. We all hugged and assured her that it wasn't true.

"Rosie, I didn't make the rules and I'm only telling the story the way I was told to tell it. I don't mean any disrespect to Uncle Ben. You know I loved the shit out of him. I would NEVER be that much of an asshole, babe. I know it hasn't been that long since..." He got up to move toward us, but I stopped him.

"Just finish the story, Em."

He sat back down, looking sullen. "Fuck, I went and ruined everything."

"No, baby, I'm okay," Rose said quietly as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

He exhaled loudly, scrubbing his face with his hands before continuing. "Well, that was pretty much it. Elizabeth was so upset she killed herself and now her spirit haunts this barn waiting to be reunited with her lover."

"What happened to her father?" Bella asked.

"He supposedly went mad after he found her body and died a short time later, he was mysteriously beheaded...again, in this very barn. They say it was Elizabeth's ghost that did it."

_**Rosalie**_

Beheaded? Serves the bastard right. Elizabeth wouldn't have killed herself if he hadn't killed Alistair.

My thoughts turned back to my uncle, who had sadly committed suicide last year. Ben wasn't much older than we were, just a couple of years, so we were all really close to him, and losing him damn near broke us all, Emmett especially. For him to say that Ben could be a lost soul wandering the Earth in eternal unhappiness was a huge thing. Em would NEVER disrespect Ben like that. I guess he was right, he was just caught up in the story and didn't realize what he was saying.

I got up and moved back over to him, wrapping my arms around his body and squeezing him. "I love you, baby. I'm sorry, I was upset."

He hugged me back, inhaling deeply. "I'm sorry too, Rosie. I got caught up in the damn story and I wasn't even thinking. I love you, babe."

Bella sighed happily behind us. "Awww, young love. So sweet."

The barn suddenly began to rattle, a fierce wind battering it. Everyone screamed, including our strong virile men. Alice and Bella hopped into their boyfriends' laps, and Emmett increased the force of his grip on me.

"Everything's okay, guys. I'm telling you that this barn is strong," Em said, trying to reassure everyone. "I'm sure it'll pass quickly—there was no mention of a storm in the weather forecast. Why don't we play a little Ouija to take our minds off of it?"

Alice shuddered, whimpering into Jasper's shoulder.

"Al? What's wrong?" I asked.

"I...I just have a bad feeling about this."

We had learned over the years that Alice's _feelings_ were not to be ignored, and seeing her so shaken up was unnerving.

"I'm with Alice, Emmett," I said, softly. "I'm a little freaked out. What if Lizzie is really still here?"

"There's only one way to find out, Rosie; let's give the Ouija board a shot. Please? I won't let anything hurt you, I promise."

I exhaled slowly. I'm no chicken shit under normal circumstances, but this supernatural shit scared me. "Fine, but I need to pee before we start. I don't suppose there's a bathroom here?" I asked, sarcastically.

"No, but there's a bucket behind the hay over there and," he paused, digging around in a duffle bag I had failed to notice, "I remembered toilet paper and," he turned to look at Edward, "anti-bacterial hand wash. I know how _bathroom hands_ freak you out."

Edward grumbled while the rest of us laughed at him. Even before he was accepted into med school, Edward had always been a bit of a germaphobe. Mind you, he's no Howie Mandel, but he prefers things to be as sanitary as possible. This had led me to wonder how he was able to go down on Bella without freaking out, but she assured me that it was one of his favourite things to do, and that he did it quite well. I had visions of him scrubbing down her cooter with surgical-grade soap before venturing forth into her nethers.

Thankfully, my fearless, sexy beast of a man snapped me out of my increasingly disturbing mental picture of Edward munching on Bella's mound when he shifted me to sit beside him.

"Alright, gentlemen, let's move these hay bales closer to the board while the ladies go to the can."

"Nice, Em," I said, "you really have a way with words. Come on, girls."

I grabbed the toilet paper and hand sanitizer, motioning for the girls to join me as I made my way back to the corner Em had set up as our potty.

My pants and thong were quick to come down before I squatted over the bucket. As my ass hung precariously over it, I heard rustling and a weird noise coming from the corner, and although I hate to admit it, I screamed. Consumed by fear, I lost my balance and my ass ended up wedged inside the bucket.

"HELP!" I called out. If there was something there, I was a sitting duck. Damn my man and his evil scary stories. He was going to pay if the ghosts didn't kill me first.

Bella and Alice ran around the corner and started laughing. "It's not funny, guys! Come on! I'm stuck."

They were quick to jump into action, but not fast enough to beat Emmett, who whipped out his iPhone and started snapping photos of me in my most precarious position.

"Fuck you, Emmett! We'll see how funny it is when I cut you off. Yes, you heard me right, mister, NO SEX FOR YOU! The muffin shop is closed! No muffins for you!" I screeched at him, quoting one of my favourite lines from the movie _Saved_

The phone disappeared into his pocket as quickly as his mirthful grin faded from his face. I had cut him off for his insolence before, and I had no qualms with doing it again. It was no skin off my back; I had a drawer full of toys that could adequately meet my needs and I was not afraid to use them, especially in front of him. It drove him nuts.

The girls helped me out of my predicament and stayed with me as I finally got to pee. Bella held my hands as I hovered over the offending bucket. Alice held Bella's hands while she relieved herself, and I helped Alice, whose tiny little body would have surely gotten lost if she had fallen in.

As soon as we were cleaned up and ready, we rejoined the boys, who were trying desperately not to laugh. We all shot them the stink eye as we situated ourselves in our spots, quickly ending their amusement.

Hands crowded onto the planchette on the Ouija board as Emmett began to speak. "Oh, spirit of Elizabeth LaGrange, we ask you to come to us, this night of wandering spirits, and tell us your tale of woe."

Very gently, our hands began to glide across the board in a circular motion until it finally stopped in the centre of the board. I could see Alice's hand was shaking and I worried about her. She was pale and trembling. If this kept up, I'd ask Em to stop. It wasn't fair to scare her like that.

"Is this Elizabeth LaGrange?" he asked in a deep, solemn voice.

Our hands were dragged by some invisible force up to the word YES.

"Did you find the body of your lover, Alistair, here in this barn?"

The wind shook the barn walls again as heavy rain pounded on the roof. Alice jumped, removing her hand from the plastic planchette. We all screamed at the same time. "NOOOOOOOOO!"

"Ali, don't remove your hand when we're trying to communicate with the dead. Bad things will happen!" Emmet shrieked.

"Sorry! Sorry! I just got freaked out."

A clap of thunder rattled the old barn to its very foundation, making everyone scream again.

"I'm scared, Edward!" Bella whimpered.

"It's okay, love, it's just a thunderstorm. It'll pass."

I hoped he was right, because I although I had just used the bucket, I was about ready to piss my pants.

_**Edward**_

First off, let me just say that I don't buy into the whole ghost/spirit thing. There isn't enough scientific evidence to support it. _Ghost Hunters_ be damned, I just can't buy it. If I can't see something, can't quantify it or analyze it, I find it very hard to believe in the existence of _that_ something. This is why I am not, much to the chagrin of my parents, a religious person.

Perhaps that's why being a med student was working out so well for me.

I have to say, though, when the thunder shook the barn, I may have pissed my pants a little. It wasn't because of fear of ghosts; I was afraid that we would all be instantly incinerated if the barn were to be hit by lightning. Surely it was so old and dry that it would go up before we would have a chance to escape, and I wasn't about to lose my Bella in a ridiculous barn fire.

The whole playing with a Ouija board was so not my thing, but I agreed to do it to keep Em happy. He had been so excited about Halloween that I didn't want to ruin it for him, but I was about to draw the line if the girls continued to be so freaked out. I gently placed my hand on the planchette with the others, but just sort of did it half-heartedly. Before I knew it, the damn thing was moving across the board, and I knew that I wasn't pushing it. In fact, everyone's hands were barely touching it. So who was doing it?

Bella was shaking beside me, and I used my free hand to snake under her shirt so I could caress her skin. She shivered when I made contact, but I knew that reaction and understood that she wasn't cold or scared, but she was enjoying it.

The others were so pre-occupied with the board that they didn't notice when I moved my hand up under Bella's oversized hoodie and cupped her breast. She leaned into me a little, moving her free hand to my hardening crotch, giving me a couple of light strokes—just enough to make me hard as fucking marble and desperate to get into her pants. Our sex life had been put on hold recently, what with both of us too exhausted to think, let alone figure out the mechanics of sex, after our long days at work and school. My mind was in sexual overdrive and if I didn't get my dick wet soon, I was going to go postal.

After Alice removed her hand from the device on the board, all hell broke loose. There was thunder, bright lightning, and a lot of screaming. The doors of the barn blew open, knocking over some of the lanterns and casting the barn in a very strange and eerie glow. Emmett and Jasper jumped up and ran to close the doors against the wind and the rain outside, and I took the golden opportunity to grab Bella and run for a hayloft. By the looks of poor Alice, I didn't think Emmett was going to pursue the whole séance thing any further.

"But...what about Alice?" Bella protested as I threw her over my shoulder.

"Alice will be fine. I NEED you, Bella. I can't wait any longer. We're going to fuck and it's going to be fast and rough and I'm sorry about that, but it's been too long. I need you."

Bella giggled from behind me, as she smacked my ass. "I love when you curse, Edward. Talk dirty to me, baby."

"STOP!" Emmett screamed. "Where do you two think you're going?"

"I'm going to go have sex with my girlfriend. Since you won't let us do it in the van, I'm going to fuck her up here."

Emmett shook his head, grabbed a blanket and threw it at me. "Here, you don't want to get a hay rash. Grab one of the lanterns too, I don't want you falling. Just don't be loud, okay? We really don't want to listen to it."

"Thanks, Em."

He shrugged. "The night's already screwed. Someone might as well have some fun."

I heard Rose try to comfort him, saying that it was the scariest Halloween ever, and he seemed placated by this. Any little bit of guilt I might have had about squirreling Bella away evaporated when I heard him laughing.

Emmett's been one of my best friends since we were kids, and I know how much this meant to him. If he had really been upset about us taking off, I would have turned around and gone back, but he ultimately seemed okay.

I climbed up the old wooden ladder with Bella dangling precariously over my shoulder. "You alright back there?"

"Yup. But hurry, though, facing down like this is making the blood rush to my head and I'm getting dizzy."

"Can't have all your precious blood up there, now, can we?" I quickened my pace as we neared the top. I helped Bella flop onto the platform before climbing up myself. We moved some hay around until we had a cozy nest. As soon as the blanket was down, I was tearing Bella's clothes off, while she struggled to get my hoodie over my head.

"This isn't working. Let's undress ourselves, okay?" she suggested.

We tore our clothes off, throwing them down onto the hay in a pile before lying down on the blanket.

"Shit, that's kind of itchy," she mumbled.

"We can switch spots. I just need to do something first." I grabbed her ankles and placed them on my shoulders, effectively opening her up, and making room for me to get a taste. Bella groaned when my nose brushed the top of her mound, then let out a squeak when my tongue made contact with her lips. Normally I would have spent some serious time down there, kissing her, tonguing her sweet spots, penetrating her at different speeds, depths, but not now. I just needed to taste her, to feel her come around me, so I dove right in, my tongue working its way up and down, dipping in, circling her clit, sucking on it, and then plunging three fingers into her without warning. I pumped my fingers in and out while I sucked on her clit progressively harder as it swelled between my teeth, her whimpers goading me on.

"Edward, faster!"

Oh, I could go faster, and I did. She had no chance once I really got going, and it was three thrusts, a flick of my tongue, and a quick nibble on her clit before she threw an arm over her mouth and let loose a muted scream as she contracted around me, squeezing so tight my fingers were trapped inside of her.

"Relax, Bella, I need my fingers back," I mumbled as I licked her clean.

She was panting and wheezing, flushed with orgasm's fading afterglow when I emerged from between her glorious thighs to kiss my way up to her mouth. "I'm going to fuck you now. Do you want to be on top?"

She nodded, holding out her arms for me to help her up. As soon as she was situated above me, she leaned in and kissed me. "I love you."

"I love you too."

She took a moment to move so I was at her pearly gates, then she moved down on me so hard and so fast that it sucked the air out of my lungs. I watched as Bella bounced atop me, her breasts moving with each pass, her head thrown back, her mouth open as she ground her way, hopefully, to a second orgasm. I felt her nails scratching into my chest, and the pain was a welcomed addition to the other things I was feeling.

Eventually, she moved her hands back so she was braced on my thighs. I loved when she did this because I could watch us, see where we were joined, and fuck me, that's hot. My finger moved to rub her button again, but my ministrations stopped when she looked down at me and called out.

"OH ALISTAIR! THAT'S IT! Please don't stop! I've missed you so!"

What the fuck?

"Bella?" I panted as she continued to ride me. I looked into her face and her brown eyes were no longer brown, but a strange clear blue.

Her facial features began to shift, and my erection deflated almost instantly.

"WHAT THE FUCK? BELLA?"

_**Emmett**_

I've had to listen to Edward and Bella have sex a gazillion times over the years, but something didn't sound right. And no, I wasn't listening on purpose. When Edward started screaming like a little girl, my brother bear instincts kicked in and I ran to see what was happening. It sounded to me like something was wrong with Bella, and that wasn't cool. Bells had been my best friend since we were babies.

"What the fuck is...?" I stopped dead in my tracks when I reached the top of the ladder. Bella...if it was even her, was trying to crawl on top of Edward, who was screaming bloody murder as he crawled butt naked into a corner.

"Edward? What the fuck is going on? Bella?"

I know she was naked, but we'd all seen each other naked in the past. I won't go into why, it was just easier that we all felt comfortable around each other naked. I moved to her, and put my hand on her shoulder.

"Bella?"

It wasn't my Bells that turned around. I don't know who or what it was, but it wasn't my Bella. Her eyes were blue, her hair was almost blonde, and she just didn't look like Bella...

OH MY GOD! "Elizabeth?"

"Who are you?" Not-Bella asked. "How do you know my name?"

"What have you done with Bella?" I asked quietly.

"Who is Bella?" she spat. "Why are you disturbing me and Alistair? I have waited so long for him to come back to me."

"Can you please leave Bella's body? You're scaring her boyfriend. I think he just peed his pants."

Edward was curled up in the corner in the fetal position, rocking back and forth, whimpering.

"But that's my Alistair," Not-Bella said.

"No, that's Edward."

Not-Bella moved closer to inspect him, making him squeak in fear. She touched his face, moved some of his floppy hair out of his face, then screamed as she jumped back, covering her nakedness.

"WHO ARE YOU? HOW DARE YOU DEFILE ME! WHERE IS MY ALISTAIR?"

In a flurry of hair and wind, the spirit left Bella's body, leaving her limp on the ground, panting heavily. Alice and Rosalie ran forward to help her. I hadn't even heard them coming up the ladder.

Jasper moved to Edward, who seemed to be catatonic. Great, Carlisle and Esme were going to kill me for turning their baby boy into a vegetable. I helped Jasper get Edward into his clothes, while the girls took care of Bella. Jasper carried Bella down the ladder, while I got stuck with Edward, who I swore, would get the worst purple nurple in history if he pissed on me.

The storm was still raging outside, which sucked, because I think they needed medical help—they were obviously in shock. But how would we explain it? _Well, Dr. Whatsyername, they were having rough dirty sex in a hayloft when the spirit of a girl who was very horny and upset possessed Bella's body, and then Edward went catatonic when he realized he was fucking a ghost. What can you do for them, huh, Doc?_

Fuck me, we were in some sort of shit now.

Alice and Rose tried to bring Bella around, while Jasper tried to get Edward to stop rocking back and forth and muttering.

I thought maybe if Edward could see that Bella was herself again that he'd snap out of it, and while he didn't really snap out of it, he calmed down. He wrapped himself around her protectively and they fell asleep.

"So, what do you make of that?" Jasper asked after things settled down a bit.

"I have no fucking clue. This was not part of the plan. We were going to play Ouija, maybe tell some more ghost stories, and that was it. I had no idea there really WAS a ghost."

"Do you really think that's what happened? Do you really think Bella was possessed by the spirit of Elizabeth LaGrange?"

"I know for a fact that it wasn't Bella trying to ride Edward's limp dick up there. I saw her face, her eyes were blue, her hair was blonde, and her nose wasn't right, her lips were smaller...trust me, dude, it wasn't Bella."

Alice let out a scream as her body stiffened, then fell to the floor. Jasper ran over to her, rolled her over and screamed himself. "WHAT THE FUCK?"

What the fuck indeed. Alice was no longer Alice, she was blonde-haired, blue-eyed, and looked exactly like the person I had seen upstairs.

"WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH ALISTAIR?" Not-Alice demanded in a voice that made my hair stand on end.

"I'm Emmett McCarty, the blonde bombshell is my girlfriend Rosalie Hale, the blonde guy over there is Jasper Whitlock, you are in the body of his girlfriend Alice Brandon, and the two comatose freaks over there are Edward Cullen and Bella Swan."

"I don't understand what's happening," Not-Alice said sadly. "I was told to meet my Alistair here, and I can't find him." The ghost/spirit/Not-Alice thing started to cry softly. "Do you know where he is? Can you help me? Please?"

I looked over at Jasper, who shook his head. Rosie wasn't much help, as she was curled up with Edward and Bella, shaking like a leaf. I wanted to run to her, comfort her, but I had to save Alice. "Are you Elizabeth LaGrange?"

"Yes," Not-Alice sniffled. "How do you know my name? Do I know you?"

"No, you don't know us, and I hate to do this, but..."

Jasper stood up. "No, Emmett! Don't! What if we can't get Alice back?"

I turned to him. "What choice do we have? Do you have a better idea?"

He shook his head and moved back as close to Not-Alice as he could get. "Please don't hurt my Alice, Elizabeth. I love her and want to marry her. Please don't take her away from me."

Not-Alice turned to him, then looked back at me. "Please, do you have news of my Alistair?"

I crouched down on the ground beside her. "Elizabeth, what do you remember about the day you arrived in the barn? Do you remember anything at all?"

Not-Alice was quiet for a moment, but then spoke softly, "I remember Agatha, my maid servant, came to me to say that she had spoken to Alistair and that I was to meet him at the barn. We were going to try to run away, so we could be together, because as long as we stayed here, my daddy would do whatever he could to keep us apart.

"I walked from town to the barn and when I walked in..." she gasped, then shrieked. Poor Alice's body jerked, spun around, and quaked with Elizabeth's reaction to what she had seen. "He was..." she paused to sob, "he was dead. I found my love dead here on the floor."

Alice was going to be bruised if she came out of this okay, because Elizabeth was slamming her poor little body around like she was a rag doll as she flailed on the floor, wailing.

"I saw my beloved, dead on the floor, so...I tried to join him. Why am I not with him? Can you help me find him? Please? I need peace. Do you know who killed him? Do you know against whom I am to exact my vengeance?"

Jasper, wracked with grief over what was being done to his Alice, nodded. "Tell her, Em, please."

"It was your father."

The noise that came forth from Alice's body would haunt me until the day I die, I swear. Never had I experienced the kind of emotional overload that came from that scream. We were inundated with all the pain, anger, sadness, and despair that poor Elizabeth LaGrange had been carrying with her all these years.

"I SHALL DESTROY HIM!" she bellowed, the walls of the barn quaking and cracking under the power of her declaration.

In a brief second, Alice's eyes flickered from blue back to her brown, and her body fell limply into Jasper's arms. The interior of the barn began to splinter; support beams were starting to bow.

"Jazz, get her out of here! The barn's going to go! Rosie!" I screamed as I ran toward her. "Can you carry Bella while I carry Edward?"

She nodded as she picked up Bella and slung her over her shoulder as if she were nothing more than a sack of potatoes.

We raced toward the door as debris dropped and whirled around us. A beam caught my head, but I didn't really feel it. Rosie cried out at one point after stumbling, and I had to go back for her. Thankfully, Jasper had made it out, because I thought for sure it was going to cave in on us.

I saw a bright light in the centre of the barn as I looked back on the chaos we'd just escaped. I set Edward down, before turning back to see what it was. The bright light took on a more human form...a man.

"Elizabeth, my love, come to me."

Did the light speak? "Rosie? Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?" She joined me, wrapping an arm around my waist. "What the hell is that?" she said, gasping.

A second bright light joined the first one as more of the barn began to fall around them. "Oh my God, it's..."

"They found each other," Rosie said softly. "Oh, Em, he came back for her."

We watched in awe as the two spirits joined hands first, then leaned in for a kiss. I rubbed my eyes; surely, this wasn't really happening, was it?

"Emmett! Rose! Get back! The barn's coming down!" Jasper called out, frantically behind us. I was transfixed on the scene before me until someone grabbed me and dragged me back until I was flat on my back on the ground.

The barn imploded.

Seriously, the fucking thing imploded. It didn't burst. It didn't explode. There was no debris. It just...imploded.

Rosie tackled me, sobbing. "What happened, Emmett? What the hell just happened? Are you okay?"

I rubbed her back and pondered what had just happened. After a moment, I sat up and looked. Where there had once been a barn there was now nothing. Even in the relative darkness, there was nothing there.

How was that possible?

Did I imagine all of this? Was I dreaming?

"I...I...hell, I have no fucking clue, Rose."

We three, the last ones standing, stood, staring into the void that had once been a barn...right? This had really happened, I wasn't imagining things...right? I rubbed my head in confusion, instantly regretting it because of the bleeding gash I discovered. So, something had happened, but what the hell was it? Shit doesn't implode. Ghosts don't possess my friends while they're fucking. Hell, was that bright light really Alistair? What the hell just happened?

Alice coughed weakly, asking for some water. I told Jasper there was probably some water in the van, since I didn't see any sign of our cooler anywhere.

Bella and Edward began to stir, groaning as they moved. "What happened, Emmett?" Bella croaked out hoarsely. "I can't remember..."

"Did someone slip me a roofie or something? I feel like ass," Edward moaned. "Hey, why are my pants on backwards? What did you assholes do to me?"

"You'll never believe me if I tell you, Edward."

"So, you did do something to us? That's shitty, Em, really shitty."

"No, I swear I didn't do a thing. I'll try to explain later, but for now, I think we should get in the van and get the fuck out of here."

Rosie, Jasper and I helped the three recently possessed into the van, and tried to keep them warm so they wouldn't go into shock. When I fired it up and turned on the lights, I literally pissed my pants.

There was no sign of the barn whatsoever, and the only thing standing where the barn had once been, were two tall sunflowers.

* * *

**Ooh, spooky! **

**I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. It was different than what I usually write, so it was a good exercise for me.**

**Huge thanks to BreathofTwilight (Kelli) for organizing this and for letting me be a part of it, and to Minna, Katmom, and BlackHale for beta'ing and pre-reading this O/S.**

**I now have a special Road Maps extra O/S in the Fandom for Preemies anthology. A donation of $5 to the March of Dimes will get you a copy of this MAMMOTH compilation of some of your favourite fanfic authors not just from the Twidom, but Harry Potter, and The Hunger Games as well. I have a copy of the document and it's almost 1300 pages long, with writing from over 100 authors. Please consider making a $5 (or more) donation to this important group who does so much for the preemies. www DOT fandomforpreemies DOT blogspot DOT com. **

**They will be taking receipts for donations until the end of November, I believe.**


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